healing clouds.

I looked up at clouds so celestially beautiful for the first time in months that way. that dreamy, starry-eyed way of longing for meaning and purpose and a glimpse of the foreordained. questions lap back and forth the stormy waves of my mind and I let them go in desperation. but still, they’re hauntingly blue. they look for their homes in those beautiful, otherworldly skies.

then I saw the beaming light of those healing June clouds. they floated above each other in a sacred dance at sundown. I gazed lovingly, looking for myself in those heavenly mirrors. and what I saw was gratitude.

how grateful I suddenly was. a serene kind of grace and forgiveness for all what is not, still. and what I needed all this time came in sight. dear God, I’m grateful for not having what I need.

it occurred to me that the readiness of my soul is essential— one of the greatest misfortunes in life is to have an ocean of gifts and still hang on to the shores. to have God’s signs but not see them with one’s eyes for their narrow-sightedness. I can see now that I’ve been surrounded by a garden of gifts and blessings all this time and just could not see or be present with them. something in me wanted more, something it wasn’t ready to have for it did not know how to receive and handle them with gentleness and sustaining love. God’s most special blessings, out of all blessings, should be sacredly received with a loving embrace and eyes that gaze into them with unconditional love.

I thanked God for the journey. the journey of learning how to receive those gifts. I wondered if the cause of my ill-health is perhaps that there is something destructive in me that would want to destroy whatever health I have. there are some habits and cycles I need to unlearn and break. and so I am grateful to receive in slowness.

and so as I learn, as I open my mind to dismantling those destructive chains, I will keep receiving in love instead of greed and rush. and oh, there is nothing more beautiful than to be fully present and mindful with God’s gifts.

there is nothing more sacred than to cherish blessings wholeheartedly.